Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

Improving the seat

The well known German supremo trainer Marco de Graber was giving Lady Lavonia Roger-Smyth her weekly lesson on the big moving, Toto look-a-like, black stallion. He was rather frustrated by Lady L. He had been teaching her for over a year but her sitting trot hadn't improved at all. In fact, George the hunt master could sit better in spite of suffering from piles! When he'd brought up the subject with Lady L that as BD has not changed the sitting trot rule for medium and above yet , she would have to accept that Elementary is her current limit , she had mumbled something about getting older and her core muscles not being what they were ten years ago. This surprised Her De Graber because, according to Trevor, Lady L had no problem whatsoever with movements other then dressage movements on a horses back. Other reliable sources had also informed him that Lady L had indeed got very good muscles and her strong thighs often seemed to be the topic of conversation around the village Rugby score board. Week after week she would power across the diagonal, bouncing and hovering as she clung to the balance strap. Her De Graber tried to ignore it as he followed the UKCC guide lines never to over focus on the students fault, but the bouncing became so pronounced that to the un initiated Lady L resembled a giant yo yo , until one day he could bear it no longer. He grabbed her legs and pulled them into a position more suited to riding than water skiing. This didn't help so he signalled for her to halt, whereby he proceeded to manipulate her hips. It wasn't just her lower body that was distracting and he couldn't help but notice how the buttons on her riding shirt were becoming looser and lower every time he made adjustments to her position. Still she bounced ,so Marco De Graber pulled her in again.

"Lady L, I don't know why you can't sit to the medium trot. Would you like me to have one last go at adjusting your seat? I propose to address your pelvic tilt."

Lady L smiled and said "ooohhhh “ Marco, ppppllleeeaaassssssse. tilt my pelvis I always wanted to sit like your other student Lady Sucklly "

Marco De Graber was used to handling such comments from adoring young women but really didn't know how to reply to Lady L. Worse still, she was his last paying client and every trainer knows how important it is not to upset those that your livelihood depends on. A few weeks ago he he had misread his UKCC guide lines booklet and slipped the truth to one of his pupils. The shock of hearing that she was not quite ready for 2012 team selection caused her to seek training with “'classical' trainer”.

"umm, well, errr," fumbled Her De Graber.

"Come on Marco ", urged Lady L. "I've waited so long for this moment. Make me feel like a woman. Make me feel like a real woman."

Marco De Graber stubbed out his cigarette, took off his cap and ran his fingers through his hair. Then he picked out the blue fluff from his belly button, sucked in his stomach, puffed up his chest and removed his shirt. He walked towards Lady L and said,

" you want to feel like a woman!!!!!."

He stretched out his arm, handed her his shirt and said,

"Here, IRON THIS."