Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

Dressage Husband to be or not to be

From reading the posts  on    British Dressage  forum  it is clear  that   One of the major  concerns   of  BD members  is the qualifications  and   professional competence  of many that present themselves as  “Dressage trainers”  , how ever important this is I  believe that for the future of the sport there is a more pressing issue to be resolved  and dealt with  , and it is   the subject  of “DRESSAGE HUSBANDs”  and those that wear this mantle  .
With out a proper band of Dressage Husbands  there  will be no Dressage Divas  or little dressage mini Divas and the whole life cycle of the sport will come to a grinding halt.
Not every one wanting  to be  a dressage Husband  has the skill and capability  to be  one   , just as not every soldier is SAS material,  and a rigorous  selection testing is required  before one can join this elite group  ,   so it should be for those that want to become  Dressage  Husbands ( in short   DH) .
What makes this roll so Unix  and difficult is the close association to  the “Dressage Diva “, her special characteristics must be matched  but never surpassed by  those that wish to join  this small specialised  group of men.
A  DH must show the same  dedication hard work and commitment to every thing which is dressage     and   to      his   Diva, with out the benefits  of looking lovely and glamorous  while those that run fetch and carry for her   wear   the marks   of  hard work and toil,  dirty scruffy  and permanently tired.
There is nothing wrong in becoming a DH  and I would not want to stop any one from becoming one  ,as long that they have considered all the pros and  cons  (if there are any) and  enter  this commitment  on their own free will.
Most men assume that a marriage   to  a DD  (short   for  Dressage Diva) is  a normal progression of a woman and man interaction,  well how more wrong can you be.
A normal relationship between a woman and a man is well expressed in the old  joke  ,” how many men it takes to open a  can of  beer?, answer   Non  , it should be brought to you in a chilled glass before you have a chance to sit down in your arm chair and put your feet up “.
Actually surprisingly  most Dressage  Divas  don't disagree with this statement apart from the fact that   Dressage Husband never have the time to sit down and put his  feet up,  you may be holding the most demanding job in government  , industry  what ever ,but  after a long day in the office   as you set foot in a kitchen covered with freshly clean tack ready for tomorrows show , before you reach the fridge to get YOURSELF a drink ,the darling Diva of yours  “sweetheart before you sit down can you please  bring Bobby from the field, feed the ponies, bed the mare and foal  and while you are  in the stable I had no time today  to do this that and the other , love you sweetheart” .
This is when an   MI6 crash course  IN SURVIVAL  UNDER PRESSURE   of interrogation  equip you well for the roll of  DH , because on your return the questioning will commence  “ You brought  BOBBY IN?  as I asked you”  , “yes” ,  “DID you put enough bedding?”  “I think so”
“You did not over feed the ponies  I hope?”   “just what's on the list”  , “YOU SURE?”     “I  THINK I WILL GO AND CHECK”  she says.
You may use the opportunity to put you feet up  but she aint   going to be    there   to bring you the opened chilled can of beer  she  is   checking if every thing  been done  to BD  standard  of a qualified  Dressage Husband .
If you think that some reward will be given later before sleep time  ,you can  forget about that, not a headache   or dental appointment which prevent her from a little form of  affection but the need to stay fresh and tidy  looking for the early morning dressage lesson.
My friend Roger  surprised us all when he let out that he was courting and intending to marry  a  well known  Dressage  Diva  (not her first one) this was considered such a serious matter that a special meeting  of the Grand lodge of the  R S P C M   association  was called.
During the meeting special specialists with personal experience in the matters of Dressage Husbandry tried to deter   him from such rash  decision   and to reconsider  his plans , what's wrong with marrying an ordinary girl , there are some real lookers out there without the handicaps of dressage, it was  pointed to him  that Dressage Husband is for life not just  Christmas  and even   with a legally binding prenuptials  agreement  , in the  more then likely event of this marriage coming to an early termination, his responsibility  to provide for Bobby and his other equine mates will be expected for years to come. No divorce judge will risk   a conformation with a welfare organization  like Blue tongue  Alumni or trial by  BD forumists  for the sake of  not keeping a horse in the life style he is accustomed to.
Any argument  we raised he had a more compelling one to counter it .
He supported his case with photographic and video evidence  the most compelling one   was of the future bride mounted  astride on a black stallion  bare back, permission to marry was granted   after a good frontal view of the ride. 
Roger was pleased with the out come and assured us all the his future wife  was not  like other Dressage Divas   and had   BALANCED  ATTITUDE BETWEEN HER LIFE AS  NORMAL MEMBER OF THE HUMAN RACE  AND A DRESSAGE  DIVA.
 This is how I found my self  in  church  in the roll of best man for my best mate Roger,  on time the organ started playing  “here comes the bride”  and the lovely to be Rogers wife   in beautiful  white  long dress with blue spots  (that's another story) was walking down the aisle, adoringly Roger looked at  his bride from top to bottom and then he noticed that beneath her beautiful white with blue spots dress he could see glimpse  of her long Cavallo   boots, he gently lent towards her and whispered  “ are   you wearing your riding boots under the wedding dress?”
To which she replied in a loud enough voice that  all on the front row benches could hear “ THIS WEDDING LARK NOT GOING TO TAKE ALL DAY ?   my dressage time is    at two a clock”