Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

Neck bending

Neck bending
The latest dressage convention ran by BD had a new twist to it, for the benefits of cross pollination a show jumper was one of the Guinea Pigs .
Obviously the idea of cross pollination originated on BD forum . With the accumulative knowledge and experience of BD members it is only fair that it will be shared and offered to other members of the equestrian fraternity , hence the unusual participant.
A typical show jumper with a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, old tweed jacket covering his rounded shoulders, whip stuck in the long rubber boot and a sign attached to the bridle “caution no naked flame “ as a strong smell of alcohol was vaporising from each and every one of his orifices.
His horse gave a similar picture of boredom or relaxation and complete disinterest in the surroundings, although not wearing any form of auxiliary tack , from the neck and head position it was clear that he was one of them poor horses that went through a crash course of basic training where tight draw reins were substituted to progressive intelligent schooling.

So there we have in the arena one abused horse, ridden with both reins in one hand the other hand holding the mobile phone, totally oblivious to the 2000 spectators , flashing lights or other distractions. with him in the arena 3 BD dressage horses all being led from the ground by two handlers one on each side, being shown the spooky environment with the riders specific request “no clapping , music or any movement from the gallery please OUR HORSES ARE SHARP DRESSAGE HORSES ”

The riders were asked to warm their horses in their usual style , while the spectators were invited to partake in spotting the abuse and unacceptable .
“No neck bending” was shouted at the show jumper “Your mare looks so miserable with her head down there” he was reproached by another , to which he replied back “she is always a MOODY cow where ever she puts her head”
“Don't you see the abuse in your actions?” “Nooop” he replied again.
“Why do you flex and bend the neck like this ?” he was asked by one person in Balaclava hat and dark eye shades .
“Because Ludgar , Alwine and John do it”.
One Dressage Divas, riding in the arena along side him , chose another tactic, THE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT tactic, “Riding with neck free and up with the feel of lightness in the hand is the most EXITING , ENLIGHTENING EXPERIENCE ONE CAN EVER HAVE you should try it”

And then it all happened , a guy returning from the canteen with 3 hot cups of coffee tried to squeeze back to his seat in the middle of the row, tipped two of the coffee cups on the lap of the person seated bellow him, who jumped six foot in the air like a scolded cat , screaming at the top of his voice “YOU B,,,Y IDIOT” . The whole gallery irrupted as every one of the spectators stood up and turned to see what was all the commotion about.
The effect over the horses in the arena was instantaneous , the dressage horses were at full speed careering with the neck stretched out at full length, the riders leaning back at full tilt with both legs on the dash board with their faces showing 50 shades of white, praying that this version of extended pace will never be introduced by the BD.
The show jumper on the other hand continued to canter on a 10 meter circle with the horse’s head at knees level , while the rider texting to his mates about last night escapade with one of the dressage Divas “nothing to report” he text “ by the time she removed one normal bra , two sport bras, anti bounce wrap and duct tape I fell a sleep”
He raised his eyes from his smart phone, looked at the ENLIGHTENED DIVA approaching the corner at formula one speed and shouted “ You have about 50 meters to learn about neck bending or you will have the most FINAL EXITING EXPERIENCE any rider ever had”
Logically thinking I would have thought the poor abused horse would have used the opportunity raise his head and shout to the crowd “ I am a show jumper let me OUT “ that's horses for you.
In the mean time in the gallery the one that started all this commotion shouted “ look at the front of my pants” to which the spectators shouted back “ ITS NOTHING LOOK AT THE BACK OF THESE DRESSAGE RIDERS PANTS”