Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

With out bits

We all know that currently the sport of dressage is under  scrutiny , a group of horse lovers are hell bent on eradicating what they perceive as abusive training methods from the sport  their actions are :  to expose  riders with unethical riding style  and expulsion  of  show officials with defective eye sight not able to perform their  duties effectively.
This educated body of experts  after a long scientific research has identified exactly what is  abuse and what not  and circulated on the internet  their  findings, from what I gather , horse  abuse is centred  only  around the horses neck  and head ,any position of either the neck or head which deviate from the straight  as a plank  is considered  un natural and abusive to the horse .
Contrarily  to every ones thinking the FEI, BEF   and  BD are taking these issues very seriously and  in order to prevent tongues wagging and air turning blue from these allegations ,  conducted  their own research and findings   of how to  preserve the image of the sport in the publics eye  and prevent  disturbing images  from  being displayed on the internet.
There were suggestions  to exclude spectators from all international competitions, obviously   on a vote this idea was rejected  as impractical  , in most shows the only spectators  are  close relatives of a competitor  or  associates of some official  that provided his mates with free admittance . The second idea was to conceal the working  in arena from unauthorised photographers   , that failed too as  equine  photographers are a very resilient characters willing to live and work in the most inhospitable environments including the Danish wild  bush,  in  pursuant of their goals,  they use  modern technology  like   CIA  spy drones   to foil any attempt to hide any bit of information  from the public.
After long consultation with all the stake holders  the governing bodies came the idea that changes to the sport are  the   required solution  and recreated international dressage,  the following changes were undertaken.
On  the first day of  a  FEI championships  tests  will be ridden bitless,  on the second day all tests will be performed bridle less  and the final championship class will be performed  tack less.
It did require some changes  to the scale of training   as riding from behind into a contact  was no longer applicable, the other technical requirements stayed the same.
Top Competitor  took the the sports reputation and image very seriously  ,he was going to insure that every thing will  be transparent  out in the open  and if any natural fundamentalists  are around he will  expose every thing, proving to the world that dressage riders has nothing to be ashamed of.
He  was delighted with the FEI latest move and supported it whole heartedly.
At the first CDI  employing the new rules Top Competitor was working in for the “Bit less, bridle less, no saddle championship”.
As he entered the main  arena he was pleased to see the electronic  judging machine in place, programed for the new judging system, its laser tentacles'  zooming on to his horses  bio acceptable head position.
It was one of his ideas, in order to make the judging fair  this roll was taken  away from human beings and intrusted to a machine that will not show weakness of  nationalistic or personal biases, even if it was developed and made by  Siemens  in Germany , financed by a Danish   body called “horses for grazing only” this machine was bias less .
The strength of the new system was that the elements required to be evaluated were  reduced to one:  the HEAD POSITION.
As competitors  performed the test the  the computerised scanners would lock on to the horses head position, even if  the horse only lower the head to rub his nose or remove a fly a loud sirens would announce a warning “nose approaching the vertical,  nose will reach  vertical innnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!  5, 3 , 1,  seconds,   vertical breached, we have rolkur, repeat, we have rolkur.  Please can all spectators with video evidence report the offence via the BD forum’. and FB  or TWITTER  groups to the FEI.   All  you human judges  if you want to one day be intrusted with the judging again please note this is RK not  a fly removing action”(all this in 7 languages including Swedish)
As the test is ridden tack less, should  a head position deviation happen ,  obviously the offender is most likely  to be the horse who would be panelised for SELF ABUSE ,
on the 3rd  offence the horse would be struck out  of the competition  with the rider completing the test on his own..
Top competitors test was un interrupted, the sirens kept stump the giant search light never illuminated,  he was leaving the arena in a free walk  on no rein with a big smile on his face,  just as he was about to exit the stadium  he saw a group of ladies dressed in combat fatigue  a appearing from behind the bushes  excitedly shouting to each others  “ LETS CHECK HIS BITS”
Top competitor gave them one of his sideways looks and  calmly replied back     “the only bits left on me or my horse  you   ladies aren't doing  any  CHECKING   well    not in front of all these people   unless there is a special   prize ”