Dressage father

Dressage father

 

Some of the  most  unsung hero's  of the dressage world are  the Dressage fathers ,  with out these   un  demanding inconspicuous   people  the whole dressage scene would come to a grinding halt.

Most  Dressage  Fathers know little or nothing  about horses and the sport of  dressage, they came into the roll of Dressage Fathers by some unfortunate  miss  stroke of luck,  not knowing what lays  ahead,  they had no idea that the little fat pony bought for their 3 year old  daughter would have such long term effect over  their lives.

There was no government  warning on the label   indicating that this fluffy little  animal will turn the smiling  friendly   child into  the most finicky , particular, obsessed  individual , with the most  expensive taste for all equestrian things, cheep or economy standard  completely erased     from their  emotional constitution.

Most Dressage Fathers realize to late in their lives that any plans of perusing own interests, slowing down towards  early  retirement,  enjoying over due holidays, are not applicable for those that hold the unwanted title of  Dressage Fathers.

Just when they are physically and mentally  ready to put their feet up  they  find themselves driving large lorries  all over the country , spending time in places    they never heard about,  eating in establishments they hope work colleagues will never see them in  and  mingling with other men with the same disinterests.

The only  little ray of hope that keep them going  is that  unlike  Dressage Husband  their roll (in most cases)  is not a life sentence  and the knowledge  that   for the un informed,  Dressage Divas  are  thought after as a good  marriage  prospect  ,this is  the  light at the end of a long  tunnel.

Marrying  a horsey  girl is an acquired taste   not appreciated by all men  and in some circumstances    a  Dressage Father has to take matters into his own hands  and snare or  lure an un suspecting victim to become a Dressage Husband.

In biblical time  the issue   of being left with an aging   unmarried Dressage Diva  was easily  dealt with , as fathers could insist  that the older less desirable daughter  must be taken with the coveted young one.

Presently one of the few options left to a Dressage Fathers to gain their  freedom is  financial  Bribery.

One   such father,  which was   left  with   a  52 year  old still at home  daughter  that frightened away any prospective suitor  because  she was totally immersed into horses with out a single trait of feminine domesticity or intellectual interest above what a 20 meter  circle has to offer to humanity   ,  she lived ,slept ,ate , talked, thought horses   and in her  case  also looked and smelled like one.

This father  solved his problem by  offering the local farrier, that was three time divorced  and not known for a discerning attitude  as to who , whom  or where    he offered his services  to ,  £3 millions  in cash  and a life time supply of brown paper bags,  to  take the roll  of    Dressage Husband  .

Their wedding was a very lavish affair befitting  the occasion,  every thing worked  according to plan,

Dressage Father     standing along side   his daughter with  confused feeling  of guilt and happiness, he could not believe it is happening  and  when  the bride turned  towards her dad kissed him  and put something in his hands, the long suffering  Dressage Father    raised it up and shouted  “She gave me BACK THE CREDIT CARD”  the whole congregation exploded  in cheers  of celebration so laud   that no body noticed the bride groom  FAINTED.

It actually turned out to be a  successful  arrangement  and the Dressage’s Diva became  a very useful  farrier  assistant joining her husband on his shoeing rounds , her husband will call   “rasp !!!” and the dutiful  lass will  run to the van mumbling to herself “rasp rasp” bringing   a rasp,   call for a  “ hammer !!” or “nails !”  all produced a similar swift reaction  a run to the van mumbling to herself  “hammer  hammer” etc etc  ,  until  the day  husband missed his stroke with the hammer  and hit his thumb  with the full force of the swing, followed by  a  loudest yell  “F,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,CKKKKKKKKKK”  with  wife responding with “    PAPER BAG  PAPER BAG   ”