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Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.
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Male PMT
PMT
The BEF like all major sporting organization has undertaken to clean the house, any infringements of rules will not be tolerated any more, no more horse , rider, steward or even judges abuse is acceptable, from now on our sport will be the epitome of fairness and cleanliness .Riders were informed that the book is open and the hand is writing , every indiscretion is recorded and will be dealt with by the disciplinary tribunal.
The first disciplinary hearing took place on Feb 30th 2012 ,the head of the tribunal was colonel Digby James who commanded the royal Hussars regiment during one of the great wars or may be even before that, with him were sitting lawyers ,sport psychologists, ordinary psychologists, doctors and few ordinary mortal beings that ride in dressage competitions .
The list of offenders was long and they were all gathered in the waiting room for their turn to face the music. One by one they entered the room heard the allegations, presented their defence and shamefully accepted the sentence given by the tribunal. The tribunal was ruthless like a court marshal in the first world war, riders were fined, banned from riding, banned from owning a horse or any other animal , no explanation or remorse was accepted, the tribunal motto was “YOU DID THE CRIME YOU PAY THE FINE”
One by one the they returned to the waiting room with a despondent look on their faces “they would not hear a thing I said , £500 fine for shouting b,,,r get off my foot you clumsy fat son of a mare”
The first to go in after lunch in front of the disciplinary tribunal was Miss Willy be Jones , Miss W b J was a listed judge with many years of experience , how ever recently the office received continuous complaints about her competence as dressage judge. The complaints backed by photographic and audio evidence showed miss W b J un focused and not concentrating , in many photographs her eyes were clearly shut or she was in a deep conversation with her writer, the scoring were erratic , comments un friendly and many organizers commented how unreliable she is to arrive on time for her judging duties , a sure case of dereliction of duty
Colonel Digby James the head of the tribunal said to miss W b J , “these are serious allegations miss Willy be Jones do you have any thing to say why you should not be struck off the judges list?”
Miss W b J replied “these things only happens when I am on my menstrual cycle”
The colonel raised his eyes from the papers in front of him and said “may I suggest you think about a more appropriate mode of transport miss W b J and then we will give you another chance”
On her return to the waiting room Miss W b J relayed the conversation to the rest in the room who agreed sure advantage to ladies.
Next offender to enter the room was Lady Suckley which unfortunately for her, when put under pressure , her language reverts back to her humble origin of a fish wife from Grimsby harbour, this time it was some thing that was written on her dressage sheet.
The old colonel reproached her “Lady Suckley we cannot tolerate such behaviour to wards our judges, they are all volunteers (at the moment) which do a sterling job for no sterling's and they do not deserve to be told that your husbands Vietnamese pot belly pig is more intelligent then a dressage judge ( which is probably true but we don't say so ) “
“I am terribly sorry it is my PMT just before the wrong time of the month every thing irritate me and I see red on the slightest excuse “
The old colonel consulted the doctor and psychologist , which were sitting with him on the tribunal, and they both confirmed that it is a known fact that some women do suffer from un controlled tension during specific times of the month.
“May I suggest you limit your sporting activities to other things during these periods lady Suckley” said the colonel and dismissed her .
Lady Suckley returned to the waiting room with a big smile on her face “SAVED BY THE PMT AGAIN”
Plump lady was the next one in, with out going into detail of the proven allegations , her defence was also based on the fact that during certain time of the month she also suffer from a high level of feminine hormones , only in her case it is past menstrual tension which effects her until the pre stage kicks in again. also “SAVED BY THE PMT AGAIN”
And then it was Senior Trainer turn , “ At last we have a man to deal with, no more pathetic female hormonal explanations, colonel Digby James thought to him self”
“So Senior Trainer can you please tell this tribunal why we should not revoke your BD membership after you brought our organization to such shame, by riding with your hands in such un classical position” bellowed colonel Digby James.
“Well Sir it is only at certain times when I feel under pressure that I tense up and ride like this” Replied ST
“DON'T BE SO STUPID, MAN DON'T SUFFER FROM P.M.T”
“oh yes I do, my wife will confirm it”
Mrs Senior Trainer was requested to come in and asked to back her husband explanation, to which she said
“Ohhh yes he regularly suffers from P,M,T
PREDICTABLE MALE TANTRUM “
The BEF like all major sporting organization has undertaken to clean the house, any infringements of rules will not be tolerated any more, no more horse , rider, steward or even judges abuse is acceptable, from now on our sport will be the epitome of fairness and cleanliness .Riders were informed that the book is open and the hand is writing , every indiscretion is recorded and will be dealt with by the disciplinary tribunal.
The first disciplinary hearing took place on Feb 30th 2012 ,the head of the tribunal was colonel Digby James who commanded the royal Hussars regiment during one of the great wars or may be even before that, with him were sitting lawyers ,sport psychologists, ordinary psychologists, doctors and few ordinary mortal beings that ride in dressage competitions .
The list of offenders was long and they were all gathered in the waiting room for their turn to face the music. One by one they entered the room heard the allegations, presented their defence and shamefully accepted the sentence given by the tribunal. The tribunal was ruthless like a court marshal in the first world war, riders were fined, banned from riding, banned from owning a horse or any other animal , no explanation or remorse was accepted, the tribunal motto was “YOU DID THE CRIME YOU PAY THE FINE”
One by one the they returned to the waiting room with a despondent look on their faces “they would not hear a thing I said , £500 fine for shouting b,,,r get off my foot you clumsy fat son of a mare”
The first to go in after lunch in front of the disciplinary tribunal was Miss Willy be Jones , Miss W b J was a listed judge with many years of experience , how ever recently the office received continuous complaints about her competence as dressage judge. The complaints backed by photographic and audio evidence showed miss W b J un focused and not concentrating , in many photographs her eyes were clearly shut or she was in a deep conversation with her writer, the scoring were erratic , comments un friendly and many organizers commented how unreliable she is to arrive on time for her judging duties , a sure case of dereliction of duty
Colonel Digby James the head of the tribunal said to miss W b J , “these are serious allegations miss Willy be Jones do you have any thing to say why you should not be struck off the judges list?”
Miss W b J replied “these things only happens when I am on my menstrual cycle”
The colonel raised his eyes from the papers in front of him and said “may I suggest you think about a more appropriate mode of transport miss W b J and then we will give you another chance”
On her return to the waiting room Miss W b J relayed the conversation to the rest in the room who agreed sure advantage to ladies.
Next offender to enter the room was Lady Suckley which unfortunately for her, when put under pressure , her language reverts back to her humble origin of a fish wife from Grimsby harbour, this time it was some thing that was written on her dressage sheet.
The old colonel reproached her “Lady Suckley we cannot tolerate such behaviour to wards our judges, they are all volunteers (at the moment) which do a sterling job for no sterling's and they do not deserve to be told that your husbands Vietnamese pot belly pig is more intelligent then a dressage judge ( which is probably true but we don't say so ) “
“I am terribly sorry it is my PMT just before the wrong time of the month every thing irritate me and I see red on the slightest excuse “
The old colonel consulted the doctor and psychologist , which were sitting with him on the tribunal, and they both confirmed that it is a known fact that some women do suffer from un controlled tension during specific times of the month.
“May I suggest you limit your sporting activities to other things during these periods lady Suckley” said the colonel and dismissed her .
Lady Suckley returned to the waiting room with a big smile on her face “SAVED BY THE PMT AGAIN”
Plump lady was the next one in, with out going into detail of the proven allegations , her defence was also based on the fact that during certain time of the month she also suffer from a high level of feminine hormones , only in her case it is past menstrual tension which effects her until the pre stage kicks in again. also “SAVED BY THE PMT AGAIN”
And then it was Senior Trainer turn , “ At last we have a man to deal with, no more pathetic female hormonal explanations, colonel Digby James thought to him self”
“So Senior Trainer can you please tell this tribunal why we should not revoke your BD membership after you brought our organization to such shame, by riding with your hands in such un classical position” bellowed colonel Digby James.
“Well Sir it is only at certain times when I feel under pressure that I tense up and ride like this” Replied ST
“DON'T BE SO STUPID, MAN DON'T SUFFER FROM P.M.T”
“oh yes I do, my wife will confirm it”
Mrs Senior Trainer was requested to come in and asked to back her husband explanation, to which she said
“Ohhh yes he regularly suffers from P,M,T
PREDICTABLE MALE TANTRUM “
