Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.
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Teach me how to ride
Junior Trainer planned to get the job of an assistant rider at a top European dressage stable.
He thought a good plan would be to brush up on his continental riding techniques by having a lesson or two with an Old Trainer .
On the day while he was walking on a long reins around the arena the Old Trainer inquired in which style he would prefer to be taught the old BHS way the modern UKCC style or how he normally teaches ? “How you normally teach of course ” Junior said “ So Old Trainer lit a pipe and sat quietly in the corner of the manage , after few minutes he called Junior over to him and in a soft quiet voice said “while you are trotting on a long reins use the opportunity to supple and loosen your body do these exercisers with your shoulders ,neck etc,,,,,,,,”
Junior replied “Dont worry about this, I go regularly to my physio he makes sure I am supple and loose I even have the weekly massage from the same girl that does Valegro”
Few minutes passed and Old Trainer mentioned to Junior Trainer that one has to be really fit for these continental jobs and may be Junior should do a little rising trot without stirrups to strengthen the legs.
“Dont you worry about my strength and fitness ” JT assured him “I go regularly to the gym and my personal trainer puts me through a proper workout it called cross fit”
“SO LETS DO SOME SITTING TROT with out the stirrups to improve posture and balance”
“ I have already addressed this issue this morning before leaving home I spent an hour on a Swedish ball and the Anky free rider which at £495 is not very free and my other trainer uses the Eckhart Meyner Balimo chair” junior shouted across the arena to him.
“Just do it so I can see how level you are “ Old Trainer suggested again,
Junior Rider reply was that Old Trainer should not bother with these matters as he have booked a BODY ANALYSER session on a horse SIMULATOR and in any case he regularly visits his Alexander Technique manipulator to deal with all posture imbalances.
Old Trainer continued to watch Junior ride and noticed the imperfections of the figures , and the erratic (not erotic) execution of some movements, he signalled to Junior to come closer and said “in order to ride good circles and lines you have to FOCUS and VISUALISE “
Junior Trainer looked at him and said “WWWHHOOO that exactly how my sport psychologist and NLP consultant put it”
Some more time passed with Junior riding different dressage moves , some with more and others with less success until Old Trainer commented “it is your COORDINATION or lack of it which causing the problems”
Junior looked some what surprised and then said “nothing wrong with MY coordination I can juggle three balls with the right hand , brush my teeth with the other , while skipping on one leg, I have supper coordination my Yoga teacher can confirm this ”.
Old Trainer banged the turned over pipe on the gate and asked Junior Trainer “What goal have you set for this lesson Junior ?”
“It is obvious “ was Juniors reply “FOR YOU TO TEACH ME HOW TO RIDE”.
Epilogue
Some years later Old Trainer met Junior Trainer in some social affair and asked him if he ever got that job of assistant rider at the top continental dressage yard ?
“No I did not” Junior said “but I got one in the CIRCUS instead”