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Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.
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Test results
Junior Trainer could hardly contain his excitement. This was his first time at the Regionals and he was hoping to qualify Bluey the cob at walk-halt level winter championship at Hartpury. Bluey had been groomed like never before and JT was looking exceptionally elegant in his new one size too small breeches and new safety helmet with maximum bling. Unfortunately, on mounting bluey the collecting ring BD steward informed him that his smart patent topped boots were not legal as being to shiny and distracting the judges from the real dressage. so he'd had to forgo the warm up in favour of purchasing new boots from one of the tack stalls. Still, it was a cracking test, which nocks on the head the assumption that “ it is all in the warm up”, it is more like “impress the judges by looking the part”. His ego was almost at bursting point as he left the test arena to the sounds of 'we love you JT' from his adoring fans of middle aged women “spinsterised “or of other kind 7” . He looked around smugly and decided that even though he had done his test, he would go into the warm up arena and strategically show off his riding skills in order to dent the confidence of those were still left to ride . And then it fell apart. JT had never seen so many horses packed into a school so small all bigger then his (horses). They piaffed and passaged their way towards him and halfpassed right onto his track as if he didn't exist. Poor JT, he didn't know which way to turn. Trainers were shouting instructions at pupils, pupils shouting at grooms grooms at horses while taking off bandages right by the entrance/exit on the track, off the track etc, staying alive in this environment required not just a crash helmet but also a bullet proof ceramic body protector, and luck . Bluey was used to a quiet life in the welsh valley and was terrified by the whole affair. JT almost collided head on with an advanced rider, who was not moving out of the way for anyone, for him left to left meant “you left I stayed”. At the last minute Bluey took evasive action he jumped and left. Unfortunately, JT's new konig boots were so stiff that he couldn't move his legs and he stayed in front of the saddle until he lost his balance, slid over Bluey's shoulder banging his crotch on the pommel of the saddle and landed on the floor in a crumpled heap. He lay there dazed as the first-aid lady poked and prodded him. 'Are my testicles black?' asked JT, his voice muffled by the misplaced blinged crash helmet, as he tried to sit up. 'Lie still' the first-aid lady pushed him back on to his back . 'Are my testicles black?' he muffled in an agitated voice, with the chin strap of the misplaced to British standard helmet nearly garrotting him. 'Lie still sir, you may be a little bruised down there, I'll have a look in a minute' replied the lady in a stern voice. 'Oh for goodness sake' spluttered JT as he sat up and spat out a mouthful of waxed arena surface, 'Trevor (the life partner), please will you find out if MY TEST RESULTS ARE BACK before the medic puts her hand where no woman has EVER put a hand before'!!!!!
