Vetting at the winter championship

The most entertaining place in Hartpury during the Winter Championship must have been the corner by the car park where the vetting was taking place.

All arrivals were directed to that corner with few portable stables the size of a Porto loo, greeted by enthusiastic group of mini baby vets lead by one older Senior Vet.

The baby vets were assigned to examine and take temperature of every horse entering the show ground, not a simple job when both horses and owners are all charged with extra infusion of adrenalin and the baby vets are recruits from local universities not yet fully qualified and experienced as vets , for some it was the first encounter with a full size horse .

We were first on the show ground to present our horses for inspection I stood there for about 10 minutes with the baby vet next to me thermometer in hand and a confused look on her face “go on “ I said “my class is on soon” the baby vet gave me a sheepish look and replied “sorry Sir (I liked the Sir) I have never done a horse before do you put the thermometer under the tongue or under the tail? “

Once this new baby vets worked out the logistics of taking horse temperature as opposed to the temperature of laboratory white mice the job was done in minutes, good old Donny like a true dressage horse did not mind his tail lifted up and a thermometer inserted where things should not be inserted. Fiesta the mare was a different story , you do not need a university degree to know that standing behind a female, fondling the behind with a sharp instrument in ones hand ready to be inserted , is gambling with ones own life, most men learn that the moment they pronounce the words “I DO”.

By that time our baby vet has learnt to read the marish body language and was well aware that a gentle lift of a hind leg and a swish of a tail reads loud and clear “ forbidden zone” the class was nearly over.

Watching all this, with a smug look on his face, was the Senior vet , nothing pleases an old vet more then watching these up and coming juniors,equipped with all the technological skills of computers MRIs, shock wave machines this and all the other modern innovations, struggle with basic old fashion veterinary procedures that require dirtying ones hands like in the pre war days.

When it comes to any thing rectal our Senior Vet is a world authority , after 40 years in veterinary practice he probably have seen more arse holes then any body, equines as swell.

He has seen arse holes that suck air inward or arsehole that expel air outwards those with smooth lines and those with corrugated shapes ,every year at the end of the stud season after rectaling thousands of mares from morning till dusk he sure feels like one.

And here these up and coming state of the art modernised would be vet cant even shove a thermometer up the arse of a horse.

“Good ladies and gentlemen let me show you how you deal with this, not something they'll teach you in uni” he said

With a thermometer behind one ear and a pen behind the other he approached the rear end of the black stallion , a bit of spittle for lubrication a swift flick of the hand and the job is done, he returned to the make shift desk to register and log the details, but some how he drew a blank, few more scribbles and still nothing appeared on the page, watching his every move , one baby vet whispered “Sir I think you are trying to write with the thermometer”, the Senior Vet giggled nervously raised his left hand up to his ear and then with a horrified look on his face shouted “GET THIS HORSE BACK HE WALKED OFF WITH MY PEN”