Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

Yard Characters

Yard characters
One of the most amazing facts of the equestrian world is the similarity of characters and personalities between yards,Two yards can be million miles apart from each other, completely different in social status , one a small high class private dressage yard and the other a real un affiliated large inner city DIY livery yard ,the characters that inhabit these two different worlds are the same.
You can telephone any yard in the world and simply asked to speak to the plump lady with the grey cob ,the answer on the other side will be “just a moment I will go find her”
The characters are so similar that any movement between yards does not require any human acclimatizing period, new comers in a yard simply fit into their natural god intended roll where ever what ever it is .
For instance every yard small or large, high class or of a Brazilian look a like shanty town will have a “Resident bitch” and a “Registered witch”
Every yard will have the “Perfect livery owner” , the yard managers “night mare”(the two legged variety) of horse owner. the yard will have its own registered and certified Fluffy client with her special endearing attributes, a “Know all” and “borrow all” characters . In stables which are to small to have enough people to fill all these rolls one person will assume several of these personalities, one lady may assume the multi rolls of ; “the resident bitch” “the registered witch” and the “I know it all” and she is able to move from one roll to the other with seamless transitions.
In yards big enough to accommodate more then two characters there will always be a “ top competitor”, a “dressage Diva” and the “Johan Whittaker” look alike, and of course the one that uses any and all (at the same time) every known gadget on the plant,
Every yard surprisingly also have what is known a “Yard owner” and their natural hostility towards their client is the same where ever the yard is situated, to be fair to the yard owners their hostility is not due to a mean cruel character, but it is a self defence protective instinct in responds to the behaviour of most horse owners.
All these characters form together the fabric of what is known a horse yard. together they create the complete social world we live in, with out one of these characters the equation will dangerously tilt onto one side only.
For instance, why does every yard has to have a” resident bitch” , the answer is , with out the resident bitch a yard would be a pleasant friendly place where horse owners will socialize happily for hours, as most horse owners are female , the nasty atmosphere created by the resident bitch, insures that these ladies return home to deal with their domestic responsibilities of ; house cleaning, washing , children and some time to the needs of the one that pays for it all, with out the resident yard Bitch the institute of marriage could be jeopardised completely it is Gods responds to the females “husband avoidance scheme”
With out the services of a registered witch very few yards will function efficiently . The only difference between a normal witch to a yard witch is the mode of transport, the first uses the flying broom, the other mostly an old 4x4 land rover or some thing similar, apart from this small deference both of them are wizards in the use of potions and lotions , when to NAF and when to NO BUTE, secretly even the yard vet will seek their assistance with difficult diagnostics and treatments , some horse owners skip the vet completely and rely directly on the registered witch in all equestrian and personal matters.
One of the most perplexing characters in a yard is the “yard borrower” ,why some one , that owns all of the equipment required to keep a horse, develop this compulsive syndrome is a mystery, from a hoof pick to a horse box , with permission or with out permission they will use others tack ,equipment,some time even a spouse, rarely the borrowed item will be returned to its rightful owner, with out him obtaining a reposition order. When a yard borrower is confronted by a rare horse owner with the temerity to request the return of his equipment the reply is always the same, “I have never borrowed any thing from you!!, and any way it was not much use in its original state , by the time I cleaned it polished it repaired it, it is in a much better condition then it was, but I haven't got a clue where it is”.
If it is a dressage yard then there will be the yard “Dressage Diva” a Dressage Diva is just like the queen only a different residential address, she also live in a palace only hers is mobile and much more luxurious then Buckingham Palace Dressage Diva expects to be treated by her subjects no differently then queen Elizabeth .
A rare character is the perfect owner ,there are only few of them but their impact over the financial solvency of the yard owner is crucial. A typical perfect owner is a hard working successful business man , who is so tied up in his work that he seldom ever comes to the yard, and that only after pre arranged date month and month in advance , due to the high profile status of the perfect owner it is easy to follow his were about and insure that he will not pay an un expected visit to the yard. This situation facilitates for the yard owner/trainer to lease or sale the horse to another similar busy individual, this scheme requires some managerial skills , but one a Top Trainer managed for a horse to be funded by 7 different individuals at full costs. Unfortunately it all came to a head when during a world summit 7 individuals found out that in their limited spare time they enjoy dressage , they even train with the same trainer when work permits, and what a co incidence they all own a horse called Zorba .
No yard is complete with out the “potential top Olympic competitor” in general this figure is a young child about 8 to 12 years old, his out standing skills have been identified by one of his parents in infanthood before he was able to walk or utter a spoken word, from then on his life was channelled to fulfil their goal, The discovering parent would make sure that all other horse owners are aware of this immerging talent and should treat him accordingly , all horse owners in the yard would receive regular un subtle hints how lucky they should consider themselves for this young child to ride their horses, the magic may rub off onto the horse. When BEF performance manager was asked to identify the common dominator in all would be top riders his answer was “easy - it is a pushy aggressive ambitious mother and little equestrian skill , in that order”.
To be continued with more personal details of each character