Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

Complaining Client

Complaining  Client
I'm finding the new pay-as-you-go livery scheme a bit expensive so can you confirm the charges for me please? I understand the basic monthly fee (£500 for setting foot on the premises plus £350 for breathing the special dressage air) but I'm confused about the 'extra fees'.

This month I've only had one hay net of dressage hay (to take out rather than eat in) along with half a container of special grand prix FEI approved water but my bill came to over £1000.
I may have exceeded my walking limit for this month , on the special yard tarmacked passes, and incurred extra charges so may please increase my number of allocated steps while walking in your special dressage yard . I don't think that I need as many steps on back yard so maybe my unused steps could be transferred to main yard? Alternatively, I could hop on one leg and you could charge me half price? I was quite tempted by your special off-peak steps offer from 10pm-6am but the yard does not open until 7am and my job is mostly done during the dark hours of the night ,so it is of little use to me. I can see how it would be beneficial to a working pupils who live on site and I imagine it could be combined with the rent-a-space-in-the-hay-shed Saturday night special offer. However, I think that £25 per 10min is quite expensive, especially when you have to bring your own torch, batteries and blanket!

I've only used 15 flushes of the toilet so far this month and I don't expect to be charged the additional toilet paper fee because I haven't used any. I'm trying to save money by shaking rather than wiping and you can verify this by checking the video tape from the recently installed cctv camera.

I won't be hiring the yard broom any more either. £10 for 10min seemed like good value at the time. However, all but three bristles have been intentionally removed which means that it takes at least 2 hours to sweep a 1.5m x 2m area in front of my stable. One of your staff suggested that I might use the leaf blowing machine instead but I fear that my husband may question the itemised bill if he sees that I am being charged £15 for a 5min blow job.

With regards to the other miscellaneous fees, perhaps you might consider introducing a '2 for 1' offer on the hole punch, at least then I could afford to make my stirrup leathers match. May I also suggest that the wheelbarrow hire charge includes the wheel as well as the barrow. I do intend to have more lessons with you but I didn't know that I was being charged on a per word basis even if it is not directed towards me . At least I understand now why many top trainers sit in silence for most of the lesson and only utter a few words such as 'yes, come', 'brav' and 'more'. I had mistakenly interpreted this as a lack of interest but now I realise they are being considerate to our financial circumstances . This dressage lark is a funny business! but I will get it right one day,
Kindly Yours