Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

New instructor

BD camp, new instructor

It is a known fact that the body of a woman has its own logic not even understood by a woman herself.
For years Scientists has been trying to solve the mystery of the wedding cake and body position , how can a source of food with totally natural ingredients can act as such an effective suppressant of sexual apatite for most of British WOMEN , and why laying on ones back induces a head ach. For those that don't believe these fact ,how do you explain the following.
A guy marries a girl after a hot steamy affair, first night after a lavish wedding he carries her in his arm into their matrimonial house , the same one they shared living in sin for years, takes her upstairs into the bed room,u lays her gently on her back onto the lovely four poster bed , and as he lovingly kisses her on her lips she open her angelic eyes and whispers “sorry darling I have a head ach”.
His first reaction his “ YOU HAD SOME OF THE WEDDING CAKE DIDN'T YOU” to which she replied “yes my mother gave me three portion she said it was the best cake she ever made”
No wonder most married men are such confused and twisted individuals . do you think they really enjoy playing golf, WHAT ELSE CAN THEY DO WITH THEIR BALLS. ( only wanted to get it off my chest)
It was The BD senior camp every one was there from junior trainer, top trainer, Marco de Graber and Senior Trainer , although camp supposes to be a friendly social event there is always a detectable under current of competitiveness between the trainers, who will be crowned as the unofficial trainer of the year, only riding skills are be taken into account.
In one arena was Marco de Graber full of energy and enthusiasm trying to familiarise Lady Lavonia with the German interpretation of the “scale of training,” Rhythmus Rhythmus he kept shouting at his student, those that passed by his lorry the night before could swear he must have been already instructing her then in the horse box as it was noticeable the lorry was vibrating in clear Rhythmus.
In the adjacent arena Senior trainer was staring vacantly into the horizon uttering one word every 10 minutes , that was his 49th camp and nothing changed, how many times can one repeat of the same, why cant they just buy the book and leave him in peace .
In Arena number 3 , Top Trainer was preoccupied with his I phone ,he was checking it continuously for the long awaited text message , it is only 2 weeks for the Olympics and he was not asked yet to train the British dressage team, “what's wrong with Will Connelly has he lost his mobile or some thing ?”
At the bottom arena Junior Trainer was warming up Plump on Bluey the cob. Being the youngest and least known he was making the most effort . 'Brav, more, oh yes verrrry good' he boomed across the warm up as he glanced at his stop watch to check he wasn't exceeding the 10min allowed in any one (rolkur) position. Occasionally he would look expectantly at Senior Trainer, hoping to get a nod of approval for his warming up strategy.
All was as it should be until, horror of horrors, a female trainer walked in to the remaining empty arena. Senior could hardly believe what he was seeing. A FEMALE trainer, the very thought of it made him cough and splutter and utter 3 words in a row . He watched as she put her student through his paces with no messing around. She stood bolt upright, chest forward and shoulders squared, whacking the long schooling whip against the leg of her highly polished boots as she yelled instructions. With breeches tighter than JT's and not even a hint of a visible panty line she was indeed a formidable character. Senior Trainer was having none of it. He could not let a female infiltrate the upper echelons she might give away all of the secrets and shatter the carefully guarded dressage illusion of a complicated mystical sport that only a very select few were capable of mastering. What would happen if at a moment of feminine weakness word got out about how trainers and judges collaboration ? He strode over to Female Trainer and cleared his throat loudly. 'For centuries our sport has been a sport of gentlemen. All of the classical schools recognise this simple truth. Male masters overseeing male instructors teaching riders of all persuasions , with male grooms looking after male stallions. “What, my dear, makes you think you have any place in this very elite group?' WE DON'T MIND FEMALE RIDERS NOT EVEN GOOD FEMALE RIDERS BUT !!! Female Trainer THERE IS A LIMIT “ The new instructress looked ST in the eyes and said “'I agree with you, dressage trainers are indeed a very elite group of people. In fact it is probably THE most elite position right at the top of the hierarchy of any sporting activity . I've also noticed that the sport of many unskilled workers is to bounce a basket ball around the back yard. People with maintenance type of jobs often play bowls, whereas employees of the manufacturing trade prefer football. The sport of choice for supervisors is usually tennis and men in middle management positions, play squash. Those very high up such as bankers and corporate managers always choose golf. It's funny how the higher up you are in your chosen occupation , the smaller your balls become'!!!!! SO LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME TEACH MY GROUP”