Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

Nearly woke her up

Nearly woke her up
Any body that spent a night in the lorry park of a major dressage show ,knows that this is not the place to catch up on sleep, it is recommended that if possible one should have as much sleep reserve as possible prior to a major show , A typical horse show lorry park is the most noisy active place on earth, some one described New York as” the city that never goes to sleep” we can describe a show lorry park as a place you will never go to sleep.
First of all the generators which are permanently buzzing along , powering all the mod conns that the new lorries are equipped with , the sound of the TVs , ghetto blasters at full volume , one has got to be completely deaf , under 16 y o or covered in 7 duvets plus workman ear muffs , just to entertain the thought of catching a sleep.
All this plus the fact that most dressage riders are very nocturnal, permanently under the influence or simply bloody inconsiderate, the noise in a horse box park at any respected show will be well above the permissible health and safety agency recommended level . Add to this the actual physical activity of the coming and going , riders moving from one lorry to another ,returning to their own lorries, sneaking in and out of other lorries ,the general feeling is as if you are in a middle of a wild west stampede. As if by magic , at every show the protocol is , all this activity and noise cease, promptly , regularly , always at 4 am , any body wishing to sleep at a dressage show should do it during this short window of opportunity, or during the day while every body is riding or bitching by the arena, it is not a night time occupation.
During a recent major dressage show just as things started to quieten down , to every body annoyance, a group of young riders were returning from a celebration of their recent success at a foreign show , their rowdy bawdy behaviour replicated the previous scenario only 10 time louder , as if the public address system came to life with the shouting “WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS WE ARE .......................................” running and stamping shouting and screaming “WE ARE THE CHAM,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,PIONS WE ARE THE CHAM.............................PIONS” horse boxes shook and vibrated as if an earth quake of 9 strength on the Richter scale just happened.
Every door and window of every horse box opened with a sleepy starry eyed head appearing “SHUT UP GO AWAY , YOU LITTLE B,,,D GO AWAY LET US SLEEEEEEP selfish little squirts”
The next day the talking point was the previous night commotion, who managed to to sleep or not through this earth quake like event.
Top Trainer asked Marco de Graber the well known German Trainer “ how come you were not out there telling these youngsters about the errors of their way, not like you to miss an opportunity like this DIDN'T YOU NOTICE LAST NIGHT COMMOTION “
Marcos reply was “ In matter of fact I did but at the time I was in Plump lady horsebox enjoying the best sexual experience of my life”.
“Wasn't Plump lady disturbed by it all” asked Top Trainer
“yes she was she nearly WOKE UP” replied Marco de Graber.