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Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.
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Team Manager
The recent events concerning our team selections has high lighted to the BEF the requirement to appoint a team captain/performance manager from out side the sport , conflict of interest is the rout of all evil.
It is also a known fact that international meddles are not won due to any action or policy instigated by any administrator but by select few with the drive and commitment and lucky to have the right horse at the right time, at best the performance manager /captain can insure he does not cockup what was achieved by others . In military circles it is known as "officer foot soldier syndrome" which means the war was won not due to the officers but in spite of them.
On the other hand the BEF acknowledge the fact that in order to access funding from the deferent bodies it is required to have some one that will take all the credit when targets are met or will blame anything on earth, when the opposition wiped the floor with your team, apart of the manager/captain who quickly defects to run another sport.
After lengthy consultation with all riders of team potential a candidate profile was established and head hunters were employed to recruit a new performance manager /team captain.
The one stipulation laid by the riders was that the likely candidate should know our sport as little as possible , His other skills should include ; people skills ,managerial and strategic skills with common sense, slimy eel like texture are a distinct advantage.
The two finalists for this position were; The ex CEO of Motorola international with the experience of managing a company of 500,000 employs and a turn over larger then the UK budget for the decade.
The next possibility was a council Clark from Abergenfig mid wales that in his free time ran the local Rugby club for the under 7yo during the permanent manager maternity leave.
Guess who got the job ??
On the first day at the office the out going manager offered to show the new comer the ropes and share his passed experiences. After he showed him the control room with all the high tech equipment in which the manager can log discreetly into every BD member computer , eve drop on their conversation and if needs be with an aid of unmanned drone transmit real time pictures of their where about and doing, with a flick of a switch the screen came alive and a picture of a leading rider came to view it was switched off just as quick before any body noticed what he was scratching and how , or the image of the sport would be dented for years.
At the end of this educational tour the out going team captain suggested that the new comer should have a ride on a horse in order to get a better feel and understanding for the sport.
The newcomer protested that the advert specifically mentioned that no riding was involved and he does not like horses .
The out going captain said " this is not compulsory it is just to give you a feel what our riders get when they perform well, I will put you on a safe horse and in any case I have my 1st aid certificate you will come to no harm dressage rider honour trust me"
Eventually he was legged up onto a horse that represented GB in the 1956 Olympics and just when he started to feel some what less petrified the out going team captain slapped the horse on the rump and caused him to shoot forward like greased lightening with the new comer falling through the backdoor, Sprawled on his back gasping for air looking up at smiling out going captain he asked "why the hell did you do that?" to which the captain replied "this was your first lesson DON'T EVER TRUST ANYBODY IN OUR SPORT" " and what's my second lesson" whispered the on his back new comer , to which replied the out going captain
"MY FIRST AID CERTIFICATE EXPIRED 5 YEARS AGO".
It is also a known fact that international meddles are not won due to any action or policy instigated by any administrator but by select few with the drive and commitment and lucky to have the right horse at the right time, at best the performance manager /captain can insure he does not cockup what was achieved by others . In military circles it is known as "officer foot soldier syndrome" which means the war was won not due to the officers but in spite of them.
On the other hand the BEF acknowledge the fact that in order to access funding from the deferent bodies it is required to have some one that will take all the credit when targets are met or will blame anything on earth, when the opposition wiped the floor with your team, apart of the manager/captain who quickly defects to run another sport.
After lengthy consultation with all riders of team potential a candidate profile was established and head hunters were employed to recruit a new performance manager /team captain.
The one stipulation laid by the riders was that the likely candidate should know our sport as little as possible , His other skills should include ; people skills ,managerial and strategic skills with common sense, slimy eel like texture are a distinct advantage.
The two finalists for this position were; The ex CEO of Motorola international with the experience of managing a company of 500,000 employs and a turn over larger then the UK budget for the decade.
The next possibility was a council Clark from Abergenfig mid wales that in his free time ran the local Rugby club for the under 7yo during the permanent manager maternity leave.
Guess who got the job ??
On the first day at the office the out going manager offered to show the new comer the ropes and share his passed experiences. After he showed him the control room with all the high tech equipment in which the manager can log discreetly into every BD member computer , eve drop on their conversation and if needs be with an aid of unmanned drone transmit real time pictures of their where about and doing, with a flick of a switch the screen came alive and a picture of a leading rider came to view it was switched off just as quick before any body noticed what he was scratching and how , or the image of the sport would be dented for years.
At the end of this educational tour the out going team captain suggested that the new comer should have a ride on a horse in order to get a better feel and understanding for the sport.
The newcomer protested that the advert specifically mentioned that no riding was involved and he does not like horses .
The out going captain said " this is not compulsory it is just to give you a feel what our riders get when they perform well, I will put you on a safe horse and in any case I have my 1st aid certificate you will come to no harm dressage rider honour trust me"
Eventually he was legged up onto a horse that represented GB in the 1956 Olympics and just when he started to feel some what less petrified the out going team captain slapped the horse on the rump and caused him to shoot forward like greased lightening with the new comer falling through the backdoor, Sprawled on his back gasping for air looking up at smiling out going captain he asked "why the hell did you do that?" to which the captain replied "this was your first lesson DON'T EVER TRUST ANYBODY IN OUR SPORT" " and what's my second lesson" whispered the on his back new comer , to which replied the out going captain
"MY FIRST AID CERTIFICATE EXPIRED 5 YEARS AGO".
