Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

New year present

Junior Trainer decided to buy a small Christmas gift for Plump Lady, partly to thank her for giving him the ride on Bluey the cob.  After careful consideration, he decided that a pair of riding gloves would be perfect. He walked in to the high profile dressage tack shop and was dazzled by the bling.  JT stood looking at gloves and wondering which pair to buy.  There were so many to choose from these days.  White or ivory, velcro flaps, stretch fabric or elasticated, long or short cuff, cotton, leather, synthetic material, fur lined for winter or unlined for summer and a multitude of diamante sparkles.  JT became more and more confused until eventually the shop assistant came over and offered his help.

“What size gloves are you looking for sir”, he asked. “Well I'm not really sure”, replied JT.  “They are for the owner of one of my rides.  She is a lady so her hands are smaller than mine”. “Give me your hand”, said the shop assistant and gently took JT's right hand between his.  He gave it a good firm rub then ran his fingers delicately across the width of JT’s palm. “You are size 9.5 sir”, declared the shop assistant, “so I suggest your lady friend will require a size 7.5 glove”. “That's amazing”, replied JT, “how could you tell my glove size so accurately?” “Well, I've been doing this job for many years”, said the shopkeeper, “and I've built up quite a skill in assessing clothing size by touch”. JT had an idea, “while I'm here, I would also like to buy a pair of Union Jack underpants for Top Trainer but I don’t know what size he is”...

After what had turned out to be a most pleasant shopping experience, JT decided he would wrap the gifts and post them to Plump Lady and TT.  However, just as he had finished wrapping the parcels, Trevor phoned to congratulate him on his recent victory in the walk-halt (rising optional) class.  Several minutes later, JT returned to the parcels but his head was still spinning with the promises that Trevor had made over the phone. The thing involving a small-hole haynet, an equissage machine and a hot poultice sounded particularly intriguing.  Unfortunately, JT was not concentrating fully as he attached the accompanying note and address label to each parcel.  One can only imagine the look of surprise on Plump’s face when she opened her package and discovered a pair of red, white and blue pants with the following note attached:

Dear Plump, I wanted to thank you for supporting me this season and I hope you will accept this gift as a small token of my appreciation.  I chose these because I noticed that you are not always in the habit of wearing any when you come for training.  I would advise wearing a pair otherwise your delicate skin might become chaffed and sore.  I was going to buy the long ones with velcro flaps but the shop assistant said the shorter elasticated ones were easier to remove.  I hope you like the colour because they are for competitions.  The shop assistant said he also has a pair and can wear them at least five times before they become noticeably soiled and need to be washed.  He even tried them on so I could see what they looked like.  I particularly like the diamante jewels on the back side.  The material is supposed to offer excellent grip and it’s reinforced in all the right places.  They will probably be a little tight at first but should stretch with use.  When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from use.  You can wear them folded down in warm weather because BD judges won't penalise you for having a little fur showing. With love, from JT.