Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

Dressage Diva Training

One of the most noticeable  characteristics of the British   “Dressage Diva” is  the inability  of  the species   to operate in close proximity  to other members of the same species,  which in plain English means that  one Dressage Diva can not ride at the same time with  another Dressage Diva in the same arena  , in most cases it applies not only to other  DDs  but also to ordinary (male) dressage riders.
In other European countries  there is a mathematical  equation  closely adhered to  that  the smaller the arena more riders you shove into it. 
The Dutch and German Divas know   that   Diva or not  they have to cope with  multitude of natural hazards in the arena like children on ponies practicing prince Albert games, parents exercising dogs while the kids having a  treble  lunge lesson  (one trainer with three Haflinger ponies on the lunge one behind each other at the same time), push chairs driven a long the arena , a vaulting  group  in bright coloured  leotards  occupying one end of the arena and   12 riders   working in for the next GP test, all that while  by the  short side of the arena  the local um-papa  band are tuning their  instrument for next week opening ceremony of the local show. 
In contrast to that a British Dressage Diva requires space  a lot of space . The normal habitat of the British Dressage Diva is an arena  of minimum size  50 meters on 80 meters  with signs  all around  it  reminding those that  have not noticed,  that   dressage is in progress and act accordingly , “no heavy breathing please,”  “be quit”     “ if you cant be quit then dont be here”  “no children under the age of 27 allowed around arena”   “ all relatives and other animals  to be kept on leads ( husbands with chain chokes)”  “Maximum  number  of riders permitted in this arena  at any one time is you and only you”.
For the selectors of British Dressage this phenomenon  pauses a big problem , although  they   have a large number of capable Divas  to select from for the coming season  the demands for their only warm-up arenas or no spectators show makes them a non viable candidates for competitions held on the other side of the Channel.
In order to solve the problem  British Dressage in conjunction with the BEF  contracted a well known German trainer with years of   experience  of  Divas   management.
Once the fee was agreed  and the remit identified  which meant a free  hand   to do what ever he wants as long as the end result is that at least 3 British Dressage Divas can function in the same arena at the same time  with out being distracted or mesmerised by who is riding or wearing what.
The  first  training secession  took place at the Unisex  centre which  boasted one of  the biggest  -  indoor arenas  in the uk,  it was an  observation  of   warm up technique   and a test riding to determined the European team  in case   our current selected riders  fall by the way side. 
Although  at the time there were only two Divas  prancing around the arena  it was very clear that the senior Diva was displeased with this un natural arrangement, even when the junior Diva was tucked away in a corner she still  posed an uncomfortable  presence in the arena.
The senior Diva  halted next to the BEF performance manager, that was standing by the arena together with the German  Diva  manager,      “no way that I  can train for a championship  under these conditions “ .  “no way that she can train for a championship under these conditions”  the performance manager relayed to the German  Diva  manager  who with out raising his head from the daily zietung he was readding  asked  “how many  more Divas  to you have on this course”    “about 3  more” was the reply  “call them all in,  test riding will commence in an hour”  continued  the German Diva  manger  still  with out raising his eyes off the  zeitung  he was reading.
after very short time the  most senior  of the  Divas  halted next to the performance manager and in a tone of voice resembling a pony club district commissioner  with a grudge for BD   and modern times  “”it is me or them I can not work in with them  breathing down my back  AND SHE WAS ON THE  DIAGONAL WHEN I WAS DOING MY FREE WALK ON A LONG REIN”  pointing at a 15 year old would be Diva on  a voluntary  poo picking duty.
“Just ride the performance manager“  said  “you  signed a form to abide by all BD rules and  regulations ”  and with out looking at the  German Diva  manager  added   “CALL IN THE REINING   TEAM    the reserve  one  as well  they are going to European championship too”.
It was a hot day in the   indoor arena , dust was every where as the school was not equipped with one of them wonderful  “DUST FREE RIDE WATERING SYSTEMS”.
With  sweat dripping down her brown  dust covered  face  an ordinary Diva halted next to the two managers   “I cant   practice my 20 meter circles there are people doing gymnastics on a horse by A”    “off with this excuse young lady what will you think about when you are    16”  and to the performance  manager “shell we call in the pointers  that asked if they can practice in the indoor school  because the  ground is so hard out in the fields”
When every one was happily tucked in and the only possible exercise to ride with out collisions  was the halt , the German Diva manager instructed the ground man to shut all doors windows and air vents.
The air was stagnated ,the only exercise practiced with enthusiasm by the Divas  was a free walk on a loose rein  (on the other hand the reiners were practicing slides and spins their  new trainer from Holland  Ms van gruesome  adjusting the Stetsons when ever they got miss placed and the endurance riders engaged in a bit of pairs relays  between gallops  and  blood drawing - for drug testing).
20  minutes before the  test riding  due to start  the most junior of  the Divas  was sent to the two  managers  and pleaded on behalf of the whole  of the dressage community  “could we please  have the windows open  please please  Sir”  the German  Diva  manager that was actually a bit of a softie  nodded to the ground man  and also indicated to the reinres that they have done enough unnatural horsemanship for one day   they can leave the arena ,  the vaulting crowd finished their gymnastics and left on their own  feet .
15 minutes to test riding and as the dust settled it was noticed that few horses were  actually  walking on the bit  performing some half passes  and shoulder ins.
“EVERY BODY NOT DOING DRESSAGE TEST  leave arena please”  shouted  the  BEF  performance manager   “ AND OPEN ALL DOORS AND AIR VENTS”  ADDED THE  German dressage Diva manager” as the arena lighted up  for all to be seen a most un usual sight within BRITISH DRESSAGE  , 5  British  Dressage Divas all with smiles on their faces,   minutes before  a  test, warming up efficiently, courteously  leaving all eyes intact , not a moan  in hearing distance.