Flossy is well known to many on the British Dressage Forum as a teller of interesting stories and perhaps the odd joke or two. We have selected a few tales for your pleasure.

How do you stop

The following incident happened at one of British Dressage high profile shows .
The working in arena was full of competitors all diligently working their horses in preparation for the coming test , although it was only a BD walk and halt test the effort and commitment of every one was as if an Olympic medal was at stake .
There were people performing shoulder ins , transitions , twists and turns all the recognized dressage movements and some not so recognized ,the atmosphere was calm and collected, until a newcomer to the scene entered the arena , youngish lady on a big black stallion , with a dressage husband on tow who was dragging his feet like a child on the way to the dentist , he was loaded with horse blankets, brushes, video camera, buckets full of calmers and energisers , any thing that may come in use during a dressage session was there, plus the five ankle bitters on the leading rein yelping and barking to every ones annoyance.
One by one also arrived the support team of trainers, instructors, advisers, personal Pilates trainer, horse whisperer etc , it included one intelligent trainer deemed to be so by the fact that he never uttered a word, one make her “ feel good trainer” and the one that repeatedly tells her not to feel inferior, as she is inferior .
In charge of the whole team was a 14 year old trainer , fast tracked to UKCC with international experience gained during three intensive days in Holland , while his father was busy window shopping in Amsterdam.
It took the black stallion one step into the arena and he exploded into the biggest possible extended canter ever , the lady on board just managed not to disembark via the rear door by hanging to both reins griping for grim life with clenched fists, with complete dis regard to any of the other competitors the stallion scuttled any one in his way, by this time they were on their 4th lap around the arena at a rate similar to a speed way bike, with the youngish lady shouting at her husband “tell him to stop tell him to stop”, the husband that until know had less animation and enthusiasm then an Egyptian mummy suddenly perked up and replied “Darlinggggg I am not Monty Roberts I don't talk to horses, at least you two are still joined together, much improved on last week when you departed company one yard from the entrance ” , “ Remember what you learnt in the equine science clinic” shouted one instructor , “ find the positive out of the negative” added another trainer,thick and fast came the instructions , “be intelligent not emotional”, “I will go and find the manual that came with the horse simulator” said her husband ,” in the mean time breath regularly” the LNP trainer recommended ”
All this while the horse is taking the corners on two legs with the left stirrup ploughing a farrow along the inside track.
One BD judge keen to upgrade offered to throw herself in the stallion track to slow him down provided she will be added to the list of this lady trainers.
Comments from onlookers situated around the arena were “I never thought dressage could be so much fun” , “is her test is against the clock?”, “ is this the Dutch speed control (or lack of it) demonstrated in the GDF”.
The rider was leaning back as far as possible with the front legs as forward as possible with the neck of the horse pulled in so tight that the horses chin rested completely between his front legs.
The newly appointed BD steward, with rule book in one hand and a pack of diagrams in the other , jumping up and down agitated as a demented dervish yelling “stop it!!!, you are riding this horse in LDR of 1st degree for more then the permitted time, IT IS NOW RK STOP THIS ” to which the husband muttered “not yet please not yet please I have never enjoyed a dressage show so much” ( clear on whose side he was) .
While all this was happening, to every one amazement, the only other horse left in the arena, a grey cob ridden by an elderly plump lady , did not bat an eyelid (the cob) , he was standing still in the most perfect halt on the inside track by B ,as the black stallion over took him repeatedly on the inside or out side , the cob just stood in the most perfect halt, by the time the hurricane Sandy came by again the cob moved forward 5 strides in a perfect collected walk and halted again, it was the real Anky eat your heart halt. by lap 83 the youngish lady gave up any hope that her husband will return with a manual of instruction or her trainers will deliver relevant instruction to here predicament , she turned towards the lady on the grey cob and shouted “do you know how to stop a horse??” the reply was “no !! do you know how to make this cob go forward ”